In honor of Mother’s Day and Mental Health Awareness Month, we are going to talk about a sensitive and very personal subject that is slowly having more exposure but is still sort of taboo in our society – postpartum depression (PPD).
Did you know that about 1 in 9 mothers suffer from symptoms of postpartum depression? Postpartum depression is a whole different thing than depression, it’s exclusive towards motherhood and includes feelings towards the baby, which can be really scary and not enough people are talking about it, so it can be a very lonely journey. We need more information, studies and treatment, but most importantly, we need to end the stigma behind it.
Mothers have a HUGE amount pressure on them: to breastfeed or not, to breastfeed on demand or not, bottle feed, sleep train, vaccinate, supplement with formula, go back to work, loose the baby weight, wear your baby, not carry them so much, cook for your family, take care of your husband/partner, be there for him/her, sleep when the baby sleeps, look cute, shower, eat healthy, keep up with friends, never lose your temper, don’t cry, among a million other things that we are supposed to do while keeping another tiny human alive and doing it perfectly and flawlessly, which is completely and totally unrealistic and ridiculous.
Katrina Scott from ToneItUp has been a breath of fresh air since having her baby - she tells it like it is and she looks and feels like a new mom and we need more like her because that is the journey of REAL motherhood. So, inspired by her and because we need to get rid of the stigma I, Lara, will share my story of the birth and aftermath of my now almost 3-year-old toddler.
The birth of my daughter did not go as I expected or really, at all like in my birth plan; and it took me a long time to be at peace with that. We were both healthy and perfect even though it was a pretty traumatic experience, at least for me. Long story short, I was induced and the labor lasted 3 days – 72 full hours! Yes, 3 days of contractions, not eating, no water, confined to a room with a tiny window. I had my husband and my amazing doctor with me the whole time but it was nothing like those beautiful birthing videos they showed me at my hypnobirthing class and like I imagined my natural, healthy birthing story to be.
After my baby was born, breastfeeding was hard – much harder than I thought. It hurt and I had an oversupply (which is also not talked about enough) but we managed to do it, with some help from a lactation consultant and lots of trial and error, until she was almost 2. I personally loved the bonding experience and wouldn’t trade it for a thing. Breastfeeding, with all of its difficulties was one of my favorite moments with my daughter. The first month of her life is all a blur, I can’t even remember how we got home from the hospital! And even though I was screened constantly for PPD and was never diagnosed with it, the anxiety was REAL and I was scared all the time. The fear was very straightforward: I was not doing a good job and they would take my baby away, back to the hospital. I knew it was irrational but I felt it anyway, constantly. I was lucky enough to be in therapy, which helped a ton! The support of my amazing husband and family who never left my side was essential to keep me going, taking it day by day. I didn’t suffer through serious postpartum depression and I am blessed and forever grateful for that but as a therapist and as a mother, I know it’s a larger problem than people admit and moms need so much support, love and encouragement and we need to collectively, as a society, get rid of the ridiculous expectations we load them with.
Those feelings eventually went away and I learned a lot about myself during that time. My therapist actually said that motherhood was my calling and it brought me out of my shell and he is completely right! I never spoke up for myself (or anyone else) until her, I never put myself first until her, and I never experienced such a profound sense of love and dedication for me or anyone else, until her.
First of all, let me say this, if you are dealing or think you are experiencing PPD, go to a doctor right away!
Secondly, nothing, and I mean NOTHING can really prepare you for motherhood. But there are some things you can do in advance to giving birth to be a little tiny bit readier. Nutrition plays a HUGE role in your health, mentally and physically as a new mother and there is very little information out there on what that looks like for a new mom. Almost no-one, not even doctors, tell us what we should be eating other than being “healthy.” But what does that mean? How do you keep up with your milk supply, while loosing weight while nourishing your healing body and your growing baby? And most importantly, how do you stay sane while it seems like your hormones are running loose and feels like you have no control over your emotions?
I’m going to get nerdy with ya’ll, but nutrition plays a very strong role in gut health, hormone regulation, immunity, and endocrine functioning; all of which play a role in recovery postpartum, inclusive of your mental health. Some studies link deficiencies in certain nutrients that could be linked to PPD:
- Trace minerals like selenium, zinc and iron
- Vitamin D
- B-vitamins
- Essential fatty acids
All of these nutrients are not only important to have a healthy gut, but they help with homeostasis which in part help us feel better.
When we are growing a baby, the body will first give all the nutrients to the baby, and if there’s any left, they go towards the mom, leaving us depleted. That is why it’s so important to keep taking our prenatal vitamins through our breastfeeding journey as well. Postpartum women have increased nutrient demands for healing, recovery and breastfeeding, but because it’s such a challenging time, nutrition is often pushed aside as we just shove whatever food is available into our bodies whenever we find the time.
If you are pregnant or a new mama, focus on these things nutritionally:
- Carbs to sustain energy and milk production; include all the veggies, fruits, oats, and quinoa and other complex carbs. Think about it, it takes the same amount of time to make pasta Bolognese as it takes to microwave a sweet potato and smother it in Bolognese instead of the pasta! Voila, complex carbs (and sweet potatoes are amazing for milk production) – this is not the time to be low-carb!
- Protein to rebuild collagen and keep up your lean tissue.
- Healthy fats to aid in the absorption of nutrients, for energy and hormone regulation. Please throw away that canola oil and use avocado oil instead!
Having a balanced meal, including all the macronutrients plays a role in how we feel as well. When we have more energy because our blood sugar levels are (somewhat) balanced, combined with the little sleep that we get is actually helping and supporting our mental health and making everything be more manageable.
Here are some tips if you are pregnant and getting ready for the baby, nutritionally, which will take our minds off of that huge pressure to be perfect so you can just focus on bonding with our squishy and adorable newborn:
Buy a big-ass cute water bottle and keep it with you always, one that you can easily open with one hand.
Get cooking before the baby comes and freeze a bunch of nutrient dense meals that you can reheat in the oven. You can find a bunch of ideas on Pinterest!
Buy healthy snacks for those night feeds (beef jerkey, larabars, nuts)
Most importantly: ask for help!!!! Ask your neighbor, your mom, your husband, or your friends to cook for you, to watch your baby while you shower (washing your hair included). And if all fails, subscribe to a meal delivery service for a couple of months – you deserve it, you need it, your baby needs you to be okay to be there, physically and mentally
And listen to this, we can do it all – but there’s no reason to do it all! Motherhood is a superpower, however you become a mom, and you are keeping another human alive and well but you are still important and YOU need to be okay. Ask for help, do what you need to do and nothing more. Here’s your free pass to take off that pressure and love your baby and yourself through this incredible process.
Ladies, I invite you to share your story, whether you were diagnosed or not, hormones are there and I do believe a new part of us is born with our child. How did it change you? What are your struggles? If you don’t want to share publicly, you can email us at realnessproject@gmail.com!
*If you think you suffer from postpartum depression, call your healthcare provider and get treatment now.